


Requited

by Scourgefan12



Series: Modern DocJan Cinematic Universe [4]
Category: Hellsing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 07:14:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29995791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scourgefan12/pseuds/Scourgefan12
Summary: Jan lets his true feelings slip while he and Avondale are spending time together. Avondale has no clue how to react to this.
Relationships: The Doctor (Hellsing)/Jan Valentine
Series: Modern DocJan Cinematic Universe [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2023328
Kudos: 1





	Requited

One thing about Jan that Avondale had some trouble getting used to was how physically affectionate the other was. Even when they first started dating, the few times they were able to be together Jan would be sure to make some sort of contact. If they were in public then he was usually kind enough to keep it as something small, once he was told he was able to accept that Avondale wasn't a big fan of PDA. Holding hands, linking their arms together, the occasional kiss if Avondale was feeling particularly adventurous.

And when they were alone? Jan was an absolute _fiend_. He was a self-described slut for cuddles, which Avondale thought was very accurate. He would practically hang off of his boyfriend, sitting or lying down guaranteed being clung to and being stuck in a tangle of limbs.

It was jarring, honestly. Going from almost no physical contact ever to this was a big adjustment. Jan didn't seem to have much sympathy, only laughing and getting even closer when Avondale tensed up at being touched. Though, he would back off if he was told to, which was a relief. It wasn't even that Avondale didn't like the physical contact, it was nice and it was heartwarming knowing that Jan cared about him enough to want it damn near constantly, but it got a bit overwhelming sometimes.

One thing that was surprising, which Avondale felt stupid for being surprised about, was how infrequently Jan tried to push things further. Occasionally he would try to make things sexual, attempt to get Avondale to sleep with him, but a majority of the time he was more than happy with just being held. And even when he did make advances, he didn't throw a fit if he was turned down, he was a good sport about it. The worst he did was tease Avondale in response, which could be annoying, but that was a far cry from not being able to take no for an answer. (He'd say things like "what's wrong old man, can't get it up?" or "i get it, i'm way too hot. you'd bust in like two seconds" which was just rich coming from him.) At first this resulted in Avondale reacting with embarrassment and trying to defend himself, which only made Jan laugh and mock him even more. He'd since learned to not say anything.

Obviously, over time he got used to Jan's love for physical affection. It felt less strange and alien the more he was exposed to it, eventually he even began being the one to initiate such interactions, although this was still quite rare. He could tell that Jan really appreciated when this happened, being the one getting their hand held or being hugged from behind rather than having to be the one doing these things to Avondale must have been a pleasant surprise. Avondale was certain that Jan would cling to him tighter than usual whenever this happened.

Another thing that didn't happen very often, at least not at first, was actually getting to see each other in person. Avondale had a very busy schedule, being a doctor and surgeon didn't exactly leave him with a lot of free time. And most of the free time he _did_ have was spent looking after Schrodinger. Children were a lot of work, even when they were technically old enough to look after themselves. In fact, he would argue that teenagers were especially a handful. And he liked to think he was a good father, or at least a decent one, so he wasn't about to just neglect his son.

Sometimes Avondale would visit Jan's house, but outside of that there really wasn't much. Jan had never been to his place before, Avondale wasn't sure if either himself or Jan were ready for Jan to potentially meet Schrodinger.

A few times Jan had tried to visit Avondale during working hours, making his way to the hospital. However, he couldn't just waltz in if he wasn't a patient or visiting a patient. And he certainly couldn't try to interrupt one of the doctors while they were working. The fact that this had to be explained to Jan, and that Jan was upset and surprised by this, was astounding.

Avondale supposed how rarely they got to see each other made Jan's clinginess, physical and otherwise, more understandable. He missed Avondale, and he clearly desperately craved some sort of contact and connection with someone, not even specifically the physical type but just in general. So of course he was going to take full advantage of their time together.

Avondale didn't mind it, he was perfectly fine with indulging Jan.

Even cases such as now when he was busy, immersed in paperwork that he hoped to complete before his next shift. As long as Jan wasn't disruptive, his presence was hardly a problem. (One could say that he was being rude by visiting his boyfriend and then focusing on work related things while he was there, but in his defense he had a hard time separating his professional and personal life. He didn't really see the big deal, he was there wasn't he? He could have just done this at home but chose not to, they were spending time together.)

When Jan sat next to him and started leaning against him, Avondale sighed but willingly opened his arms to invite Jan closer. Jan wasted no time, resting his head against Avondale's chest and making himself comfortable. In turn, Avondale rested his arms around Jan, at least as much as he could while still being able to continue his work.

Shockingly, Jan didn't talk much. Normally while they were together he wouldn't be able to stop running his mouth, he'd hardly even give Avondale time to respond to what he said sometimes before launching into another tangent. This time though, he was rather calm. He'd greeted Avondale before sitting down, and was saying a little here and there, but it was nothing compared to his usual.

It was... really nice actually. Peaceful. Avondale wasn't sure if Jan was in a more relaxed mood, or if he was just trying to not be distracting or annoying while Avondale was busy. Either way, it was very welcome.

Not that he would get irritated if Jan tried to talk to him, that would be ridiculous. This was just a nice change of pace, that was all.

In fact, the few times Jan did speak, he made sure to reply. This never ended up leading to full conversations, Jan actually didn't respond much to anything Avondale said. Although, a lot of what Jan was saying was mumbled, almost as if he were talking to himself, so maybe he wasn't trying to have an actual conversation.

Whatever the case, Avondale was enjoying himself. He was glad that this was how he chose to spend his afternoon, he was almost disappointed that he'd have to leave in a few hours.

Things continued to be uneventful for a good few minutes, there was no noise except the scratch of pencil on paper and Jan's breathing. Avondale honestly couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this content. He hoped Jan was experiencing something similar.

Unfortunately for him, his peace was soon very abruptly shattered.

Jan shifted slightly, nuzzling Avondale a little, before starting to mutter something again. A quiet, but rather distinct "I love you."

Once Avondale registered what he heard, multiple things almost happened. He almost broke his pencil from suddenly tightening his grip on it, he then fumbled and just about dropped everything he was holding, then finally he had to physically stop himself from making some sort of noise to express how startled he was.

Once the initial shock wore off, what was left were feelings, lots of them. A mix of positive and negative, many of which he had yet to identify.

Confusion and anxiety were two of the strongest, however. He wasn't sure how to respond to this. Obviously he knew how he was supposed to, but he wasn't sure if he could. Did he love Jan? He'd never really thought about it. He knew that he really cared about Jan, and having the other around had significantly improved his life, and he could picture the two of them being together for all of his foreseeable future. But, was that love? Was it alright to call it that when he wasn't one hundred percent certain?

He didn't know, he really didn't. And pondering all of that now wasn't helping, if anything it was doing the opposite. It was making him even more aware of how unsure he was, he didn't have any concrete answers.

Jan was sure, though. Jan had significant difficulty vocally expressing how he felt, he wouldn't say anything if he didn't know his feelings for sure. Jan _loved_ him, that was a fact.

Not only that, he was waiting for a response. Jan had opened up to him, and was probably even more scared than he was. Confessing this had likely taken all of his courage, waiting must have been tearing him apart.

That pressure only made Avondale feel worse. He needed to say something, and soon. But what was he supposed to say? What were his options here? Could he get away with not saying it back? Should he feel bad for even wondering such a thing? 

So many questions, and no real answers. It was suffocating. He unconsciously raised one of his hands close to his face and started gnawing on one of the knuckles, needing some way to get rid of the nervous energy building up in him. It didn't help, but it was better than just sitting there.

Avondale was sure he was going to completely lose it, when his panic was suddenly interrupted.

More noise from Jan, but it wasn't words. This time it was a soft snore.

Avondale froze completely, surprised for the second time in a row in only a few minutes. At first he didn't believe it, or maybe didn't want to believe it. But when the sound was repeated a bit louder, followed by Jan shifting again and then mumbling something completely incoherent, there was no question.

Jan had been... talking in his sleep. Avondale had let himself get so worked up over something Jan didn't even know he'd said, something that may not have even been directed at him in any capacity. 

He felt very silly right now. As well as a bit curious. How long had Jan been sleeping without him noticing? Had everything he'd said since cuddling up with Avondale just been him sleep talking? That would make a lot of sense, actually. Avondale figured that was pretty likely.

Aside from feeling like an utter fool, he was relieved. He didn't _need_ to say anything, the only thing he'd achieve by doing so would be talking to empty air, and possibly waking up Jan.

However, he couldn't help but still think about it. How he felt about Jan, how deep these feelings went. Without the pressure and spontaneity, it was much less stressful. Not that there was none of that involved now, but it was nowhere close to the sickening fear he'd been experiencing mere moments ago.

He scolded himself for dwelling on the topic, telling himself that he was still technically busy, and tried to refocus on his work. This was only mildly successful, the thoughts were still in the back of his mind, but this did manage to occupy his time until Jan woke up.

He didn't notice Jan waking up, and wasn't aware of it until the other spoke. As in, said a fully coherent and cognizant sentence. "Shit, you're still here?" 

Avondale startled again, thankfully not as severely as earlier. "Of course, I wouldn't leave without telling you."

Jan sat up and stretched, making obscene noises in the process, before settling himself back against Avondale. "Yeah, 'course you wouldn't. You're the best."

That wasn't quite a love confession, but after the events of the day it was enough to make Avondale's heart flutter. He had to wonder if things like that were Jan's way of saying without actually _saying_ it. After a few seconds of consideration, Avondale decided that was very possible. "Well, so are you."

**Author's Note:**

> Jan would 100% talk in his sleep, I know this to be true. I also know that Doc is a dumbass, emotionally speaking, and has no idea how feelings work


End file.
